I.2 Yogash citta vrtti nirodhah.

We become whole by stopping how the mind turns.*

(You can hear a pronunciation of the sanskrit here.)

There have been moments (and whole nights) when I’ve seriously considered bashing my head against a wall if that action would stop the never-ending stream of thoughts, words, worries, annoyances, questions, projections, and whatever impossibly mundane sentences were running through my head. Because, let’s face it, there’s a whole lot of nasty shit going on in the world. There always has been a whole lot going on in the world - only nowadays, thanks to rapidly advancing technologies, it feels nearly impossible to avoid adding doomsday scenario upon doomsday scenario to the helpless thought tornado of WHAT THE HELL AM I GOING TO DO?!

When I first encountered Patanjali’s Yoga Sutra I.2 - Yogash citta vrtti nirodhah. (Translation: We become whole by stopping how the mind turns.) - my thoughts were as follows:

YES. DAMN THAT MIND. IT IS THE WORST. I WILL KILL IT AND FINALLY BE AT PEACE.

It might be obvious to you, but it took me a long time to realize that “stopping how the mind turns” actually does not mean one should cut the brain out of the skull and set it on fire.

I have been blessed to work with some amazing yoga teachers, and all of them have helped me (gradually, step by step, and one practice at a time) learn that thoughts themselves are not the enemy. It’s not the brain’s fault that it thinks; thinking is, quite literally, one of the human mind’s main functions.

Backing up even further, it was a relief to learn that, actually, neither my thoughts nor my feelings were the enemy. Thoughts and feelings, though sometimes painful, serve as guideposts to what needs to be addressed in our lives. Ignoring them doesn’t do very much good at all, but it takes time and effort (and very often the help of a trusted friend, teacher, or mental health professional) to learn how to read those guideposts.

Now, I have strategies for times when I would rather self-harm than hear another thought. When I realize the content of my thoughts or even the sheer number of thoughts is upsetting me, I pause. I shift my attention to my breath. The never-ending thoughts may continue streaming light-speed in the background - but my awareness of them shifts to a softer focus. The breath, the naming of the inhalation and then the exhalation, is what remains in focus in front of that stream. It is in the spaciousness created by standing in front of that stream that I can regroup, that I can see the world I want to create and fortify myself to act accordingly with that vision.

Luckily, even when focusing on the breath in one particular way gets old and thoughts start to overwhelm the space in my mind once more - there are thousands of ways to shift focus. Tools such as mindfulness, meditation, mantras, and more help me broaden my awareness away from examining each passing thought under a microscope towards a much, much wider worldview.

There is still a lot going on in the world, and there always will be. While it’s easy to be overwhelmed by the negative, by the hatred and greed that fuels our society, I believe it’s more important to find the strength and courage to love our broken world. Finding the power to pause in the midst of the ceaseless spinning of the mind, even if only for a moment, is the first step towards creating awareness. It is in the spaciousness of awareness that the heart and mind can work together to make compassion a daily part of our lives. It is in the spaciousness of awareness where thoughts and feelings can become tools we use to become whole.

Each breath, then, becomes an opportunity to create the world anew.

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If you’re interested in learning more about mindfulness, I highly recommend the teachings of Tara Brach and Thich Nhat Hanh.

*Roach, Michael, et al. “The Essential Yoga Sutra: Ancient Wisdom for Your Yoga.” The Essential Yoga Sutra: Ancient Wisdom for Your Yoga, Three Leaves Press, Doubleday, 2005.

Welcome to my website - Learning & Growing! Whatever brought you here today, I hope you find something to make you smile.

I have always wanted to write a blog, but I have allowed self doubt and insecurity to keep me from taking action towards my goals...until now! In an effort to get around whatever hang-ups I have had about sharing my voice - and, as a way to honor the weirdness of my soul that I hold so dear - this blog is officially rechristened THE BLERG.

It’s basically the same word. No big deal. But with this, I am giving myself permission to do whatever I need to, to reframe the world in whatever way I have to in order to live my life from a place of authenticity. Why wait for another, better opportunity? My life is here for me to make of it what I can: today, right now, no more waiting.

You may notice a sense of urgency in the collage above. That is intentional, but also satirical. When I think of all the learning and growing I have undergone thus far in my life, I am struck by couple of key points.

1) Occasionally, a POWERFUL BREAKTHROUGH may occur in a swift, WHAM-BAM-THANK-YOU-M'AM kick to the ego/preconceived notion of myself or the world. I used to think I would have to blow up the walls I'd unconsciously built to protect myself in order to "get better" at being alive.

2) More often, however, the most profound transformations in life happen in stages - in step by step, moment to moment, gentle and consistent acts of conscious effort. Now, I'm trying to work on dismantling those walls brick by brick - one day at a time.

If I may, I encourage you to try a similar approach.

What is something you’ve always wanted to do, but haven’t yet? And why?

What’s holding you back?

Have you always wanted to try yoga, but figured that it’s only a practice for skinny, super-flexible, white ladies?

You are in luck, because this is simply not true. The practice of yoga can be accessible to people of all shapes, sizes, genders, ethnicities, religious and educational backgrounds.

(Don’t take my word for it. See here, here, here, and even here to check out some full bodied love.)

Almost no one can do adho mukha śvānāsana or downward facing dog with their heels all the way to the ground the first time they try the pose. That doesn't mean it can't happen! It just takes time and effort.

Have you always wanted to start a blog, but felt like your voice doesn’t matter and your perspective isn’t important?

Try again! No one can tell your story in the same way you can; no one has exactly the same insight or exactly the same perspective as you do. The power of learning to use your voice is a transformative experience unlike any other.

Again, you don't have to take my word for it. I challenge you to take one, relatively simple thing you've held back from doing in your life AND DO THE DAMN THING.

There's no time like NOW.